


Unicorn Pee (and Gummy Bear Bandits)

by R_chimchim, S_taetae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Accountant!Kyungsoo, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Humor, Inspired by Real-Life Events, It's just weird, KaiSoo - Freeform, M/M, No for real, Slice of Life, Smut, Unicorns, Weirdness, bottom!soo, gummy bears, it’s not a fiction au, kadi - Freeform, no that’s weird, should we add the sex tags?, there's someone as weird as Jongin, top!Kai, writer!jongin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-26
Updated: 2017-07-26
Packaged: 2018-12-07 01:46:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,322
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11613363
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/R_chimchim/pseuds/R_chimchim, https://archiveofourown.org/users/S_taetae/pseuds/S_taetae
Summary: In the dull suburbs of Seoul, gummy bear bandits threatened to drown Jongin in goo, and his only hope of survival is a condensed ball of sass in the name of Do Kyungsoo.(or, alternatively, Kyungsoo was not as subtle as he thought he was, and his hot new neighbor was a weird manchild)





	Unicorn Pee (and Gummy Bear Bandits)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Lolitaisashrimp](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lolitaisashrimp/gifts).



> Dedicated to Lilo, the weirdest, slowest, and most die-hard Kaisoo shipper in this universe. Lots of love for you, you little idiot.

It was a chilly afternoon on an autumn day, (not Kyungsoo’s favorite season but he’ll live through it) and Kyungsoo was grumbling as he finished getting dressed for the night. His freckled nose was a bit red on the tip as he checked himself in the mirror before grabbing his coat from the hanger and fixing his light brown hair in the small mirror that stood on his wall. He noticed that his hair was starting to grow a bit longer on the sides than what he would prefer, so he made a mental note to go have it trimmed soon.

His headache now was starting to make sense; he must be getting a slight cold. In his defense, the weather forecasted light rain, but little did he know that he would end up running the whole parking lot searching for his car while being drenched by the rain. He could have sworn that he was going to die that day, his whole legacy being snagged away by being the only person in Seoul to ever die because of a thunder strike. He once read that survivors end up having certain talent; he always doubted these ‘miraculous’ stories, but he wasn’t looking forward to trying it out for himself.

Kyungsoo cursed the gods before grabbing his umbrella, making another mental note to go visit the pharmacy tomorrow. From what he checked from the window earlier, it seemed warm and sunny, but he won’t trust the weather or try his luck again (no loss in being extra cautious), throwing a beanie on too because he was just _that_ extra petty about the day’s earlier events.

He skipped through the puddled streets, passing slow walkers as he cursed each and every one of them for being so inconsiderate about his major problem. He was really hungry, and being really hungry made him really, _really_ grumpy. In fact, he wasn’t always on the happy side, to be fair, but he’s not an angry person though, he just has the facial expressions of someone who is.  His sharp eyes molding to a natural glare; the same eyes that possess a certain twinkle in them, if you really look closely and considerably into them. Above them were thick and naturally clean eyebrows, shaping perfectly on his forehead. His plump lips showing off a perpetual pout, and a defined jaw to complete the look. In his point of view, he wasn’t really attractive, but he did possess proper features to attract the average person.

Kyungsoo’s eyes twinkled a bit more when he reached his destination; an old convenience store owned by his favorite person in the city, Mr. Chwe, who Kyungsoo heavily believes to be around 90 years old (or 120, you cannot really guess at this point, when he shouts the prices out loud and wears glasses thicker than the glass of the countertop).

Kyungsoo ran in late to work at the accounting firm that day and had to skip breakfast, but now he was about to treat himself with a nice dinner, something outside his usual spicy ramyon and kimchi on the side. There’s nothing really to celebrate, but for some reason Kyungsoo just felt like sitting around with his cat, Misoo, munching on baked vegetables and seasoned chicken.

So, when he returned home after his grocery run, and prepared his dinner in his little kitchen, he sat down on his living room couch, eating his dinner as he watched TV. His cat was nuzzled in between his legs as it purred and meowed for treats, however, Kyungsoo is not a weak son of a bitch, so he just grinned at the adorable black ball of fur before patting its head. “You’re not winning this time, Misoo, you just had your plate for the day and the vet said no cheating.” He proceeded to say very seriously to his cat, who obviously didn’t understand because it proceeded to meow again.

Kyungsoo dropped his cat beside the sink as it nuzzled its nose on a peeled vegetable before losing interest and jumping down to the floor where it sat at Kyungsoo’s feet. The man chuckled before noticing the unmistakable light that lit in the living room of the window that faced his kitchen’s directly. He was a bit startled before stiffening when he detected movement inside the apartment facing his, before a vague figure sat at the dining room table where Kyungsoo could see clearly. If he was not mistaken, that apartment had been empty since the day Kyungsoo moved in 3 years ago, and now it was mysteriously occupied. He did not recall seeing any moving trucks this while in the neighborhood, and he found it weird, especially since he did not even hear about the move from the doorman. The apartment was on the same floor as Kyungsoo’s, but it was in the building facing his. Kyungsoo did what any normal person would do in the such a situation, minding his own business as he proceeded to wash the dishes in his sink… well, not really.

He hurriedly went to his bedroom and grabbed his round glasses, smudging them a bit on the side before slipping them on, dimming out the lights in his kitchen, and slyly moving his head to the window to inspect further on. Who in their right mind would finally live in the hypothetically cursed apartment 129 in Block B? It’s not like Kyungsoo was nosy, but his neighborhood wasn’t really all that ‘exciting’, and he knew he would have heard a rumor about someone moving in or out, but he never did.

The figure of the anonymous new neighbor was that of a healthy male in his early twenties, Kyungsoo guessed, with the blurry vision that his glasses provided. He could detect rich and shiny black hair that dropped lazily above the boy’s thin eyebrows, covering his forehead. Kyungsoo stared hard, concentrating on his neighbor’s features, detecting soft brown eyes and full lips that naturally shaped into a soft grin, giving soft wrinkles on the corners of the boy’s eyes. Kyungsoo’s gaze dropped slowly to the shirtless figure; he was more on the tan side, his muscles toned and rigid under his skin (he must work out regularly). Kyungsoo’s gaze dropped reluctantly ~~purposely~~ further down to the boy’s torso, that was shaped beautifully into a V shape, and on his back, were two dimples that lead to a plump ass. Kyungsoo only noticed that because the boy’s shorts were hanging dangerously low on his hips and Kyungsoo felt his cheeks warm up before shyly faltering his gaze to the dishes when his cat meowed again.

Kyungsoo cleared his throat as he finished cleaning his dishes. “No, I was not staring, Misoo.” He defensively said as he felt the judgmental stare of his cat, that was just innocently trying to have whatever bits of chicken it smelled, before giving up and huddling itself on the sofa closing its eyes. Kyungsoo eyed his cat before proceeding to stare down his kitchen window at the stranger that weirdly ate dinner around 5, such as Kyungsoo’s case. He sat alone, gulping down kimchi soup, and Kyungsoo thought it must be lonely eating alone at such a big dining room as the one in his apartment (Kyungsoo always had Misoo with him to keep him company), but the stranger didn’t seem to bothered by his case of solitude as he grinned with each sip, obviously satisfied with his creation.

-

Today was another fucking rainy day, much to Kyungsoo’s pleasure ~~dread~~. He sighed as he entered his apartment’s main entrance, closing his umbrella before rubbing out the water droplets that rested on his coat. He pressed the usual button of his apartment’s elevator before leaning on the wall beside it, closing his eyes for some well needed but brief rest after today at his hectic work place. The elevator sounded its usual ding indicating that it arrived, but that wasn’t what made Kyungsoo jolt up, but the unfamiliar sound behind him.

“Long day, huh?” The sweet voice said and Kyungsoo lazily turned to look at its owner before stiffening and gulping hard. It’s been three weeks since the stranger in the neighboring apartment moved in, and Kyungsoo didn’t miss a day to stare as he was ‘making dinner’ for himself and Misoo.

Kyungsoo noticed the small patterns of the man’s day, how he preferred being shirtless even in the cold, how he wrote furiously for long hours straight on his laptop and how every day at 5, he had his dinner. Kyungsoo pretty much figured out he’s a writer, mostly one with a humble paycheck, and that he regularly jogged around the neighborhood after 7. He noticed how he rubbed at his stiff neck when he’s had momentary writer’s block, how he nibbled at his thumb when thinking hard, and how he lazily kept the windows open at night, even if it rained.

Now, the stranger stood close to him, fully dressed. And from the little distance between them, Kyungsoo could see that his face was also slightly freckled, his white teeth visible as they slightly bit down on his lower lip, an effect of the cold he supposed. His figure was much more built, noticeable even under a heavy coat, and that he was, as Kyungsoo expected, much taller than what he was.

“Cat bit your tongue?” The stranger/neighbor asked again and Kyungsoo noticed that he was bluntly staring at the man and had forgotten to answer. He clumsily stood against the elevator side, hiding the little blush that managed to add on his cheeks, and that cannot really be blamed on the cold anymore. “Guess so.” The stranger then said, noticeably waiting for a reply from the shorter man, who was too flustered to answer. “If you’re not going to reply, at least press the button to what floor you’re going to.” but before Kyungsoo can finally move a limb, the stranger moved on to press the button for the 8th floor. Weird, how did he know what level he lived on?

Kyungsoo huddled up to his corner of the elevator comfortably content that the conversation did not move further more than that, sighing internally with relief as this brief interaction finally ended. I mean, how can he answer the guy when he’s been shamelessly and creepily staring at his window for the past certain weeks? But before Kyungsoo could get too comfortable with the silence, the stranger spoke up again, but this time Kyungsoo was more baffled at what came out of the stranger’s mouth than flustered to reply.

“Imagine if a pink scorpion/tiger hybrid came down to kill you, would it actually bite you with its teeth or sting you with its tail?” The stranger asked him pretty seriously, pursing his lips and staring heavily at the elevator door as it shifted with every level they went up to, seeming to be concentrated on finding his answer, but before Kyungsoo could open his mouth to ask him “ _what the fuck?”_ the elevator door sprung open and Kyungsoo had to move his unblinking eyes back to the door before he clumsily walked out of it, tripping at that little unbalanced space between the apartment floor and the elevator’s, and then the elevator door closed again taking with it the grinning stranger.

Kyungsoo stood there in the hallway with his eyebrows furrowed heavily with confusion, as the elevator door vaguely sounded that it was being opened at the level above him. Okay, seriously what in the actual fuck was that about? Kyungsoo thought as he looked up the hallway’s ceiling in desperate attempt to get some answers from the stranger. “Why pink, though?” he half whispered, taking his keys out of his pocket wondering who the stranger was visiting in the apartment complex.

That day, Kyungsoo restrained from looking out his kitchen window, afraid he’d actually get even more weirded out as he figured out earlier that his hot neighbor was actually a strange one; not the mysterious kind of strange, but actually the ‘are you okay? Did you eat fungus?’ type of strange, or the ‘was your head severely injured as a child?’ kind. And it would make him feel even weirder if he would actually stare at his weird-weird neighbor from now on. Well, it’s probably best if he goes straight to bed.

-

Another pattern was quickly added to the black-haired neighbor’s list in Kyungsoo’s head, because every day around 4 when Kyungsoo came back from a long day at work, his weird-but-hot neighbor greeted him in the elevator with his weird-ass questions and scenarios. Kyungsoo tried, he really tried, to explain and rationalize to why this person was both genuinely and seriously asking him the most bizarre and fucked-out-of-reality’s-proportions ideas and questions. And how, in his right mind, well, if it has that potential, was he expecting Kyungsoo to answer any of it?

Yes, every fucking day, the man entered the elevator, grinned at Kyungsoo and proceeded to ask him questions that got more unconventional by time, as if, in his spare time, he sits down and tries to come up with the weirdest fucking shit, but Kyungsoo knows he doesn’t because yes, sue him, he was back to staring out his window again, and the-still-nameless stranger, seemed to only get inspiration when sitting on his dining room table.

“ _What if vinegar was the only taste in the world, how would you describe it to aliens if they ever colonized the world?”_

_“Imagine if we had toes for finger and fingers for toes. Damn, would that mean we have to wear shoes on our hands too?”_

_“What if buildings somehow came to life as we are asleep and had some secret life, would that make cars their pets?”_

_“What if we could only communicate through lyrics, and you only had one album to pick from, what would that album be?”_

_“Imagine if door knobs would lick you every time you try to open up a door, how would you leave your apartment?”_

After the whole phase of severe confusion and worry about the mental health of the other man, Kyungsoo found comfort in this stranger; how he would unworriedly mouth his weirdest and most random thoughts out loud with no shame, where sometimes he would catch Kyungsoo grinning as he thought, involuntarily, about the questions searching for the proper answers to them. It provided Kyungsoo with a momentary escape from his tiring and routine-ish life as an accountant, and sometimes, their gazes locked, before they shuffled shyly and chuckled after each question asked, which caused weird shots of electricity through Kyungsoo’s back, that went all the way to his stomach and to then up the back of his neck.

Kyungsoo never provided the stranger with answers, but perhaps that little interaction they had was an enough incentive for him to keep asking them anyway.

-

Kyungsoo took his usual spot in the elevator as the clock ticked around 4 pm. He was nonchalantly holding the elevator door waiting for the usual, yet estranged face to show up, however, and for some reasons, at that day it didn’t. Kyungsoo ignored that sting of disappointment in his chest before closing the elevator door and pressing the 8th button. Perhaps he got caught up with writing he thought, or maybe, whoever was he was visiting in this complex was finally tired of seeing weird-question-neighbor dude, every day. He’d come back tomorrow, Kyungsoo figured, but when he slipped his coat off his shoulders and proceeded to the kitchen window, no signs of him were there, the apartment was pitch black and Kyungsoo sighed at the second disappointment. What weird antics was he pulling now?

Days stretched out for weeks and then it was a month. At some point Kyungsoo stopped checking his kitchen window, slumping directly into his couch and eating cup ramyon again, not ever coming near the sink or the kitchen window again. Where was he? And why did he suddenly disappear? Was he unable to pay rent? Was he just there to fuck with Kyungsoo and leave? Was he discouraged with Kyungsoo not answering him ever? So many questions clocked in his head whenever he was in the elevator, the vague smell of the vanilla and wood bark fading away and being replaced by the standard mix of fuel and apartment mold.

And at some point, Kyungsoo just gave up on wondering and asking, falling back into his normal routine. One day, Kyungsoo’s luck suddenly turned around (or so he thought), and his day started by getting the promotion he had been waiting for. It was 2 am, after a night out at a local pub as a celebration with his co-workers. Kyungsoo had way too many drinks and was now stumbling across the entrance of his apartment building, pressing his wobbly fingers multiple times at the elevator button since it seemed to float around on the wall, mocking him. He managed to stumble into the elevator and before the door closed, familiar shoes snagged it open again and Kyungsoo jumped at that. Could it be? Momentary soberness hit him before his question was answered. It was indeed, not him. And to that Kyungsoo slumped down his usual corner, staring at the ceiling, the universe somehow still adamant on mocking him. 

It was about one month and a half in when Kyungsoo pulled his heavy feet all the way to the elevator, sighing for what seemed like the 79th time that day on the way from work to his apartment. Oh, what he'd do for a long, hot, blazing bath and a 3-hour nap, nuzzled up to Misoo, but apparently, the universe had other plans for him.

Kyungsoo had stopped, somehow, ~~not really~~ , counting the days from when the elevator-stranger/neighbor disappeared. He settled with the fact that maybe he was just simply kidnapped and murdered in his jog or simply was pulling such weird antics on other people, some who were unfortunately psychotic and well, yeah, may his soul rest in peace (or pieces, however the murder preferred his victims). 

Kyungsoo entered the elevator without second thought and dropped his head on his usual corner, before footsteps were heard and sudden warmth engulfed the elevator, a certain familiar scent attacking Kyungsoo’s nose, but he knew better than to seek another disappointment for the day, Thinking back to how he messed up the printer machine that day after a small outburst, (yes, he was a cranky one without his coffee), and having to drive to get another one -the exact one as his boss insisted- halfway across the city in the traffic and rain.

He sighed once again before rubbing his neck from the cramp that formed from trying to hurl the printer into his car under the soft rain, keeping his eyes closed and leaning more on the walls of the elevator. 6 more levels he thought, not bothering with the stranger that stood beside him; it was a good day to be murdered so he wouldn't mind whoever it was.

Kyungsoo heard a slight chuckle escape the stranger's mouth and before Kyungsoo could think much of it, a familiar soft voice rung on the elevator walls, creating an echo-like sound that seeped down into his hollow brain, shooting straight down to his spine and legs, creating the weirdest goosebumps Kyungsoo has ever felt in his 26 years on this earth, before his eyes involuntary shot open to stare at a face that he longed to see or only had seen in his daydreams; now he was no longer sleepy but on high alert. 

Kyungsoo didn't hear what the man said at first, his head unable to register words at the moment, but the stranger's lips only pouted slightly before resuming to move again, forming into the familiar natural grin that they were meant to always have, and this time Kyungsoo was adamant on listening.

"Imagine if the city was flooded by unicorn pee, and the only things that would float on it are surfboards, what is the first thing you would do in such a situation?" The young stranger mischievously asked and Kyungsoo did not know what got into him but his lips were soon enough moving too.

"And underneath the unicorn pee, there were giant transparent jellyfish that had shark teeth and the only indication of them being there are their laser beam eyes." Kyungsoo then uttered, entertaining the idea further on, catching the stranger by surprise, who then quickly adjusted his features to a beaming smile. 

"You, being the revered one, are the only one who managed to grab a surfboard, other men and women being eaten and teared alive in front of you." 

Kyungsoo missed him, he really did, and as much as he wanted to deny it, there is no denying the warm feeling that filled the emptiness that he carried around for a while, and he didn't know what to do. He wanted to share the warmth with the other to fill him in on what he did to him, but he couldn't move, the only movement he was able to produce was that of his lips so he plunged to the chance.

"Not you though, you were trapped by a sea star on a building rooftop, and the only chance of surviving was throwing glitter that dissolved its skin." Kyungsoo then said in a serious tone and the other man couldn't help but chuckle.

"And you, being the revered one yet again, had it." the stranger said, his tone low and flirty, and Kyungsoo sucked in a breath he didn't know he needed before catching up on his antics. "And just as you were losing hope of survival, I kicked open the rooftop door with my whole might, muscles ripping through my shirt, and managed to throw glitter the second it was about to devour you." Kyungsoo heard a slight snicker from the other and then the soft voice spoke again, "And I was so grateful, that I threw my arms around you in a tight embrace, glitter mixing between our skin." he replied and Kyungsoo could feel the pounding in his chest and was pretty sure the other man did too after the silence seeped into the elevator once more. The two of the them were unable to move as they were staring heavily at each other. The stranger waited for Kyungsoo's reply, anticipated it, really, but before Kyungsoo could open his mouth, the elevator door dinged open and their stares were briefly strained to the door before turning back to each other again. The stranger had other plans, for he closed the doors before he pressed the emergency button to lock them in, then he spoke up again.

“Our bodies mingled with each other, and I was still trembling in fear, but you knew it was time for you to leave to go and kill the evil albino dolphins, but for some reason you stayed there with me between your strong ripped arms." The stranger's voice was now dangerously low as he took one step closer to Kyungsoo’s side of the elevator and Kyungsoo impossibly stuck his body back on the walls. He was between taking in shaky breaths before he felt two arms tugging on the small of his back, pulling him out of the corner and into the sudden warmth that the other had.

"But we both knew what that reason was." Kyungsoo breathed out before he felt the softest set of lips crash into his.

He didn't want to part from them so he pressed himself against the taller boy who he smirked against his lips, nibbling on his bottom lip before licking on his top, his tongue then pressing on Kyungsoo's teeth ushering him to open, and the latter complied.

Before the other boy could taste him properly, and feel the faint mint-chocolate taste on his tongue, from the chocolates he always kept on his dining room table, the taller boy lifted Kyungsoo's legs up to straddle his hips, a little muffled, surprised moan escaping the gap of the shorter boy’s mouth. The stranger crashed Kyungsoo’s figure on the elevator wall, the cold metal feeling stiff on his back, and they made out, heavy and wet, for what seemed like a couple of minutes, both of them letting out throaty moans as their hands roamed under each other's coats, yanking them open for better contact.

Kyungsoo rested his arms on the man’s shoulders, leaning in further to fix their position, feeling the stiffness of the other man under his ass; it drove him crazy, and he tugged on the other's hair hard, and it was the only grip he could manage while being sandwiched between the wall and the hot man. At that, his neighbor grinded his hips more into Kyungsoo’s, and Kyungsoo couldn't but moan unabashedly, his Adam's apple bobbing hard in his throat. The other eyed it for a while before grabbing his jaw rather hard, yanking his head up so he could properly kiss his neck, dropping wet but firm kisses at every available skin to his mouth on Kyungsoo's neck, and that will surely bruise. He then licked his way up to his ear before sucking on the soft spot behind it, earning yet another moan from Kyungsoo, and it encouraged him to push further on, going down to bite hard at his neck, the skin momentarily stretching as he pulled at it before letting go to attack his lips again.

Kyungsoo's breathing was now labored, mixing with the pants of the boy who was pressing hard on his ass. He could see stars as his vision went blurry and he swore if they continued on this he would not be able to recover from the excessive oxygen loss, feeling explosives in his brain with each movement and touch, as the male reached down to firmly grab his ass, squeezing hard and yet again, earning two other bruises on his body and he just couldn't take it anymore.

"Y-you, oh open the door now, m-m-my apartment i-is 123." Kyungsoo shakily let out, and the other realized he doesn't even know his name. 

The stranger let out a small chuckle, looking at the flustered and blushing man, before leaning in to his ear, biting his lobe before whispering, "The name’s Jongin, by the way. You're going to moan it all night. Nice to meet you." 

Kyungsoo let out a short gasp at the audacity, but soon breathed out his own name for the other to know. 

The elevator door opened up as Jongin frantically pressed the buttons, grabbing Kyungsoo’s ass even more firmly to let them both out of the elevator, Kyungsoo feeling bold enough to kiss and suck on the other's jaw all the way to his apartment door where he was pressed against the wall yet again, the other grinding shamelessly at his ass again in the hallway where any person could hear or see, so Kyungsoo muffled his moans, shutting his eyes close, before pressing his mouth on Jongin's shoulder. 

"If you continue doing that, we won't last lost, babe." Jongin growled. "Your keys."

Kyungsoo fumbled in his pockets before handing the set of keys to Jongin with shaky hands. "Good boy." Jongin mused, kissing his forehead as he put the keys in the lock, finally letting the door open.

They stumbled across the room, limbs and lips not able to leave each other. Kyungsoo’s cat, Misoo, hissed at the sudden burst as it ran under the dining room table, and Jongin looked at it before looking at Kyungsoo, chuckling a bit.

"What?" Kyungsoo said defensively and Jongin just shrugged. "Didn't take you as a cat person." He mused at him before tugging at the hem of his shirt, throwing it off across the living room before pushing Kyungsoo onto his couch and sucking on the sensitive skin just below his belly button. He then pressed wet kisses on his chest, throwing in a word with every kiss, "Just...so...you…know, I…play...rough." he said before smirking at Kyungsoo who was downright undone under his touch. 

"And I go in raw." he added quickly and before Kyungsoo could object, he was surprisingly lifted up and dragged to what Jongin guessed was the bedroom. Their limbs tangled as Jongin went on top of the elder, kissing him while he slowly rocked his hips onto Kyungsoo's now throbbing hard cock, dry humping him to the edge, and Kyungsoo could only reply through the moans that escaped his mouth into Jongin's. Jongin lifted his shirt off and threw it hurriedly on the floor before dropping his hands to unbuckle Kyungsoo's pants. He wasted no time throwing them onto the floor too, before breathing around his clothed member, gropping it firmly before pulling off his boxers too, Kyungsoo’s member flinging onto his stomach, fully swollen and leaking and Jongin smirked at his product before grabbing it.

"Do you know how many times I caught you staring at me from your cute, little window?" Jongin whispered onto the head before taking it in his mouth. Kyungsoo groaned in both pleasure and embarrassment, speechless from the way Jongin worked his tongue up and down his length before taking him fully in his mouth, tongue swirling as his soft lips coated the surface. Surely, Jongin has done this before and he knew his thing, because soon after, Kyungsoo was screaming all sorts of profanities until he settled on Jongin’s name when the younger bobbed his head up and down at a certain speed that drove Kyungsoo crazy.

“I tried to make it obvious, you know, by accidently running into you in the elevator, but you never noticed.” He added, leaving Kyungsoo’s cock for a second.

“I-I just thought you were visiting someone.” Kyungsoo breathed.

“Everyday?” Jongin chuckled and Kyungsoo only shrugged.

Jongin licked the underside of Kyungsoo’s dick before he clicked his tongue. “Tsk, there’s no one in this building that interests me other than you, Kyungsoo.” And the other man loved the way his name rolled out of the pre-cum-covered lips of Jongin. Kyungsoo smiled before Jongin took him into his mouth again, resuming the sucking at the same speed as before.

Kyungsoo wanted something to hold on to, and the only available thing was Jongin’s hair. Jongin held Kyungsoo’s dick with his hand, and stimulated what his mouth couldn’t, and Kyungsoo lost it. It really didn’t take much before Jongin’s pace became brutal, and Kyungsoo came with a sigh of the younger’s name. Jongin swallowed what he could, his hand milking Kyungsoo out of every last drop. His fingers turned white and sticky as he let Kyungsoo’s dick go with a squelching sound, before he crawled up to Kyungsoo and kissed him deep, and Kyungsoo could taste himself on the younger’s tongue. Then, in a bolder move, Kyungsoo took Jongin’s fingers in his mouth and sucked on them, cleaning them from his own cum, and Jongin got too turned on by the nasty behavior. The younger moved to take off his pants, but Kyungsoo beat him to it, and as he pulled the denim down, he took the fabric of his boxers down with them.

Kyungsoo’s mouth watered as Jongin’s member sprung out, and he took it in his hand, giving it a few strokes before he lowered his head towards it to return the favor, but Jongin stopped him.

“No,” he breathed out, pushing Kyungsoo back into the pillows. “I won’t last long, and I really want to come inside you.”

Kyungsoo gulped at the statement, but then Jongin was pulling his knees apart, and slipping a pillow under his ass to elevate him. Kyungsoo reached out to the bedside table to take out a condom and the bottle of lube, and when he settled back into his position, Jongin’s face disappeared into his ass.

Kyungsoo was never eaten out, and when he felt Jongin’s tongue at his entrance, his body ignited. Jongin was extra careful, pelting his tongue out to poke and prod and lick at the tight ring of muscles. Kyungsoo was foreign to the feeling, and the wet tongue prepping him felt weird but heavenly at the same time. Jongin suddenly stopped, swallowed a little, then said, “Soo, it’s not as fun when you don’t moan my name.”

Kyungsoo grumbled, but then Jongin licked two of his fingers, and without warning, he inserted both into Kyungsoo.

The older man gasped at the intrusion, and involuntarily moaned out Jongin’s name. The younger boy smirked, then he scissored his fingers inside Kyungsoo, stretching him open. He kept fucking him with his fingers until Kyungsoo was stretched enough. 

“J-jongin, enough.” Kyungsoo gasped out, and Jongin pulled out his fingers and put on the condom, aligning himself with Kyungsoo’s hole.

Without any words, Jongin pushed himself in, and both men groaned. Jongin’s cock filled Kyungsoo more than his fingers, and it had been a while since he felt that full; that and the fact the Jongin went in raw, without any lubrication.

“Christ, you’re so fucking tight.” Jongin mumbled against Kyungsoo’s chest.

“What, no scenarios now?” Kyungsoo managed to say through a smirk. In reply, Jongin pulled out and snapped his hips back into Kyungsoo hard and fast, hitting a spot in him that rendered the older man speechless. Jongin pulled Kyungsoo’s hands off his back and held them up above his head, locking them in a steel grip. Kyungsoo withered around as Jongin kept building up speed with his thrusts, trying to move his arms but Jongin wouldn’t let him. Jongin’s pace soon became too brutal, his dick hitting Kyungsoo’s prostate with every thrust. It didn’t take long before Kyungsoo was gasping that he was close, but Jongin was adamant to have him come untouched. Soon enough, Kyungsoo groaned lowly before he came all over his chest and stomach, Jongin still pounding into him, chasing his own orgasm.

Jongin came a minute after, moaning Kyungsoo’s name and a few profanities as he spilled his load into the condom. It took him a second to come down from his high, and when he did, he let go of Kyungsoo’s hands, and kissed his thigh, before going up slowly, licking Kyungsoo’s cum off the older man’s stomach and chest. Their lips met in an open-mouthed kiss, Jongin’s tongue pelting out to intrude Kyungsoo’s mouth, making him taste himself as well.

Jongin wanted to sleep, but Kyungsoo stood up and walked to the bathroom to shower.

“Well, fine. I’ll join if you insist.” Was what Jongin said before they shuffled into the shower where they fucked yet again. It went on until their energy was drained right out of them, and they fell asleep on the living room couch instead of the bed, with Kyungsoo nestled into Jongin’s chest.

Kyungsoo woke up around 7am, and he was still cuddling with the younger boy, with Jongin’s limbs tangled with his own. He laid his head back down on Jongin’s chest and the heartbeat lulled him back to a much-needed sleep.

A few hours later, Kyungsoo woke up alone. He was about to feel disappointed, but then he spotted a piece of paper stuffed into the collar of his shirt. It had chicken-scratch handwriting of almost indecipherable hangul, but Kyungsoo strained his eyes to read it.

_"Had to travel to Narnia. The bunnies took over the throne and the only way to stop them is by making the beaver army team up with the wolves. Aka, I'm getting us bunny-shaped pancakes from my favorite diner. Clean up and wait because we're fucking again, and this time, I’m thinking of taking you on that dining table, right after we finish breakfast. -J”_

Kyungsoo chuckled, and then he thought, “hmm, I can get used to this.”

At breakfast, the two men told each other about themselves. Kyungsoo’s predictions were right; Jongin was younger than him (and he made him call him hyung), he was a columnist at a magazine, and an aspiring writer, and his weird-ass scenarios were for pure fun and inspiration.

“So where were you the past month and a half?” Kyungsoo nonchalantly asked between bites and Jongin snorted.

“Why, you missed me?”

“Nope, just got a little bored. 5pm TV shows are for kids.” He sassily replied.

“I’m working on a book. It’s my first, and I ran out of inspiration in this bland as fuck neighborhood, so I took a train to Busan, stayed in a little house to write.” Jongin explained, and Kyungsoo hummed along.

(Jongin fucked Kyungsoo over the dining table right after, moaning the older man’s name followed by hyung after every thrust.)

\--

It was a particularly long day at work. Well, maybe not as much, but Kyungsoo’s bottom half was halfway between numb and sore (a very good kind of sore). Whenever he sat down for a long period of time, he would feel his soul leave his body. His thighs were still bruised and his muscles hurt whenever he exerted too much effort.

The night before, him and Jongin fucked over his kitchen counter, facing the small window and Jongin’s apartment. It had been 3 weeks of such rendezvouses, and Kyungsoo was not complaining- much.

Kyungsoo felt like a teenage kid, reminiscing the events of that night, and daydreaming about Jongin, and that was probably why it took him longer than usual to get his work done.

At around 6, Kyungsoo returned home, feeling as if he was gonna fall asleep on any surface. He braced himself longer, however, to get to his kitchen and cook a simple dinner so he wouldn’t sleep on an empty stomach.

As per habit, the moment he stepped into his kitchen after taking off his shoes at the entrance, Kyungsoo peered out of the tiny window to see what Jongin was up to.

To his surprise, and slight disappointment, Jongin’s window was closed, but what looked like a paper was taped to it. Kyungsoo wanted to ignore it, because he knows that Jongin was just an utterly weird person, but his curiosity got the best of him. Using the camera of his phone, Kyungsoo zoomed in on the paper and tried to read the chicken-scratch handwriting of writer Kim Jongin.

_“I was kidnapped by huge gummy bears and they’re holding me hostage at BCG Tofu House downtown. At 8, they’re gonna drown me in their goo and turn me into one of them. S.O.S If you are a condensed ball of fluff and sass by the name of Do Kyungsoo, please save me.”_

Kyungsoo couldn’t help the bubbly feeling in his chest after he finished reading. It was ridiculous, really, that Jongin would go to such extents to show his eccentricity, but a little part of Kyungsoo was entertained a little more than what his sane part deemed acceptable.

It was 7:56pm when Kyungsoo walked into the restaurant. He had taken a shower (using his fruit shampoo) and spent a considerable amount of time choosing his outfit; it turned out to be just a slightly more thought-through version of his usual getup.

The restaurant was a cozy place on a street which Kyungsoo liked to call “hippie trippie”, mostly because it was too retro and, well, hipster.

It didn’t take him long to find Jongin, because the writer chose a table on the very far right corner of the place, just where he always chose his seats; on the bus, on the train, in any restaurant or café, Jongin always picked the seat at the very far right corner- something about aesthetics and perspective and more literary author shit that Kyungsoo had a hard time understanding.

When Jongin spotted the shorter man, his face lit up, his lips forming into a mischievous smirk.

“I don’t see any huge gummy bear bandits around here,” Kyungsoo started as he pulled out a chair and sat facing Jongin. “Who am I supposed to save you from?”

Jongin laughed, his eyes disappearing into his eye-smile as he let out a slightly loud laugh. “I don’t see any weapons on you,” The younger man retorted, putting his elbow on the table and resting his chin on his palm. “What are you supposed to save me with?”

“Touché.” Kyungsoo smiled.

“Thanks for coming to save me, my knight.” Jongin smiled back, and Kyungsoo was pretty sure his heart malfunctioned for a second.

“Thanks for choosing me to come save you,” Kyungsoo said. “You could’ve texted, though. Or called.”

Jongin clicked his tongue as a waitress came to their table with two menus. “Tsk, where’s the fun in that, Soo? Where did your sense of excitement and adventure go?”

“I never had it in the first place.” Kyungsoo retorted.

“Hmm, not on my watch. No one hangs out with Kim Jongin and lacks a sense of adventure.” The younger man puffed his chest.

“You’re going to take me on adventures, Kim Jongin?” Kyungsoo raised his eyebrows in question.

“Oh, you bet your cute ass I will, Do Kyungsoo.” Jongin proudly stated, throwing in a wink.

-

Jongin made it his life’s mission to introduce Kyungsoo to his eccentric ways; he was hellbent on bringing excitement and adventure into the older man’s life- more like shoving with extra force (in more ways than one). Kyungsoo was not complaining, however, because when Jongin was not able to drag him into some kind of half-assed excuse of an adventure (like breaking into the art museum after closing hours, or crashing weddings, among other cliché ideas), he would make it up to him in other ways. Like, Kyungsoo’s favorite scenario, where the bed was involved and clothes were not, and when Jongin stopped being a writer for a second and settled on being a lover, sometimes a porn star if the occasion arises. Kyungsoo loved such scenarios, especially when Jongin would forget the storyline halfway through, either because his mouth was preoccupied, or because his words dissolved into moans and pleasured sighs.

Jongin remained an enigma to Kyungsoo- something so deeply weird that the older man would sometimes forget that Jongin was a 24-year-old adult. It was refreshing, really, how Jongin would act just like he really was on the inside, all perks and complexes, and he wouldn’t put up fronts to please anyone. Kyungsoo admired that, especially since he was the exact opposite; and as they say, opposites attract.

Jongin’s fixation on bettering Kyungsoo’s life turned into something else pretty soon- something entirely different. His slight obsession with changing that older man’s life, turned into a slight ~~major~~ obsession with the man himself. Jongin would often catch himself daydreaming about Kyungsoo and everything Kyungsoo related, and it was beginning to become too much. Like one time, Jongin saw a brooding child but directly thought of Kyungsoo, and how he had a resting bitch face, and cute freckles, and an adorable nose-scrunch whenever he doesn’t like something.

They never spoke about it, because since when did adult men speak about relationships statuses? It was obvious that they were dating, even if they did not put a label on it. What else would they call it, anyway? Midnight grocery shopping, and cuddling in front of the TV to watch afternoon reruns of dramas, and spending way too many nights over at each other’s apartment that now Jongin’s clothes were at Kyungsoo’s and vice versa; it was a typical relationship, and it went on for months before Jongin made the big move.

It was a day in late May when the weather was turning way too hot to be outside, but not hot enough to turn on the aircon. Jongin and Kyungsoo were in the younger’s apartment, lounged on the living room couches, too far from each other, with the electrical fan blowing humid air into their faces.

Jongin was shirtless, and Kyungsoo was lounging in a pair of boxers and one of Jongin’s shirts. They had a jug of fresh apple juice on the table between them, the glass was sweaty and the liquid was murky yellow.

“Why aren’t you drinking?” Kyungsoo asked when he saw that Jongin’s glass was still half full.

Jongin made a face, scrunching his nose. “It looks like unicorn pee.”

“You and your goddamn unicorn pee,” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes. “No, it doesn’t. Isn’t unicorn pee the color of the rainbows?”

Jongin giggled. “I don’t know, babe. I’m not a unicorn expert.”

“I didn’t spend the past 30 minutes in the kitchen making fresh apple juice after you requested it just to have you not drink it at the end, Jongin.” Kyungsoo rolled his eyes at his boyfriend.

“But, baby, it looks like unicorn pee.” Jongin nagged, and he would’ve stomped his feet if he weren’t sitting down.

“Kim Jongin, drink your juice now, or I will go back home.” Kyungsoo threatened, and Jongin knew that Kyungsoo would.

They stayed silent for a while, both sipping on their juices and watching muted TV.

“If the world was being taken over by billions of venomous earthworms, and the only way of survival is by pairs. They can’t climb up buildings, but they can swim. Would you spend your days alone in your apartment or would you stay here with me?” Jongin suddenly said, and Kyungsoo chuckled.

“Depends, what do you have to offer?” The older man said, reaching out to stroke Jongin’s hair.

“Continuous entertainment, great food, never-ending adventures, endless scenarios, bedtime stories, amazing cuddles,” Jongin listed, then he turned his head to kiss Kyungsoo’s hand. “And mind-blowing sex.”

Kyungsoo looked at him with a sullen face, and Jongin smirked before he turned his face back to face the TV.

“Move in with me.” Jongin said, his eyes not leaving the TV and Kyungsoo looked at him like he told him the world was ending.

“Okay.” Kyungsoo finally replied, facing the TV as well. He could feel Jongin’s gaze on him, but he did not look at him, he just kept stealing glances at the younger boy from time to time.

Kyungsoo moved in a week later. It was kind of sad for him to leave his apartment of 3 years, but Jongin was skipping around him, helping him pack his stuff in cardboard boxes and suitcases, and Kyungsoo thought he could get used to it.

It’s been 2 years, 5 months, and 13 days since then. Kyungsoo was sitting in his car, waiting for Jongin outside of the publishing company. Jongin had published his first book a year before, and he was working on another. So, Kyungsoo sat in his car, the air rushing from the slightly open window was a little chilly, and the inner left pocket of his jacket weighed a little more than it normally does. Jongin appeared a couple of minutes later, and he jogged to the car the moment he saw it.

“Hey, baby.” Jongin grinned at his boyfriend the moment he slipped into the car.

Kyungsoo pulled his head closer and gave him a kiss on the mouth. “How was your day?”

Jongin’s grin grew wider at the question. “I’m getting published again. I turned in the final draft last week and we had a meeting today about it. The publishers loved it, Soo. It won’t be long before I have another book in my name.”

“That’s amazing, baby. I’m so proud of you,” Kyungsoo said as he picked up Jongin’s hand with his free one and slotted their fingers together. “This calls for a celebration.”

Jongin raised their hands and gave Kyungsoo’s a kiss before he hummed in agreement.

Kyungsoo took them to a fancy 5-star restaurant somewhere downtown where they had the most expensive wine that the place had, and then they drove down to Han River, where Jongin spotted a lonely bench off the right side where almost no one was.

They sat too close, and they talked about nothing in particular, and after they stayed silent for a while, Kyungsoo decided that it was now or never.

“Say, writer,” He began. “If a half shark half whale hybrid monster jumped out of the water right this instant and opened its mouth to reveal an alien who threatened to kill anyone who is not bound by marriage, what would you do?”

Jongin’s breath hitched, as if he had caught on to what Kyungsoo meant. “I—” he tried, but he was too speechless.

Kyungsoo stood up then got down on one knee before he reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small, velvet box.

“Kim Jongin, I lived 26 dull years before you cannonballed into my life with the weirdest fucking scenarios and introduced me to adventures that I would not have gone on if it weren’t for your eccentricity. I may not be the happiest kitten, but I will try, only for you. So, honey, sweetheart, baby, darling, will you marry me? You know, to save us from the shark/whale hybrid.” Kyungsoo opened the box to reveal a diamond ring and Jongin almost died.

“Do I like potatoes in all shapes and forms?” Jongin asked and Kyungsoo chuckled.

“Yes.”

“Would you rather sleep than go for a run?”

“Heck yes.”

“Do I make a better top?”

Kyungsoo gasped, but grumbled out a yes anyway.

“Then, yes, Do Kyungsoo, I’ll sacrifice a little of my dwindling sanity and spend the rest of my life with you.” Jongin finally, _finally_ , said, and Kyungsoo kissed him before he could even put on the ring.

-

It was cliché most of the time, and downright crazy at other times, and not as easy as the boys thought it would be, but they made it work. Kyungsoo would fight off gummy bear bandits for Jongin, and Jongin would drink unicorn pee for Kyungsoo, but they both didn’t mind it one bit (especially when the sex afterwards was mind-blowing and all).

**Author's Note:**

> S had the idea that we write this Kaisoo one-shot because Lilo was having a rather rough couple of weeks and we had a hero complex and wanted to make it better. The whole story was inspired by something that happened with her, actually, when the child of her neighbor once came over and started asking her the weirdest fucking questions (and she ranted about it on Twitter), and S thought, "wow, what if Kaisoo did that?" and here we are. 
> 
> [This](https://ilikechimchimnuggets.tumblr.com/) is her tumblr. It's all about Kaisoo and Jimin and her crying over stuff. You'll really enjoy it. 
> 
> *If you read Bonnie, Clyde, and The College Guy and you're wondering why we are posting EXO one-shots instead of the final chapter, we really have no explanation. Oops.


End file.
